If you haven’t already, check out 7 Reasons Christians Should Be Having Premarital Sex. Christians are fabulous at making exceptions for themselves regarding abstinence. The Bible is clear, but when we are truly afraid we are likely to fall into bed with lies we know aren’t in God’s Will. Here are five more common reasons we tell ourselves the Bible doesn’t apply when it comes to premarital sex.
My future spouse isn’t waiting, so why should I? Abstinence isn’t just about that ultimate person. It’s about so much more. I can’t even imagine how much God might have planned for you, his ministry, and for your future family based on this decision, but my post How to Keep It In Your Pants (And Out of Hers) is a good start.
It’s not realistic. It certainly feels that way. For real, I know! I’ve been straight up from the beginning. Abstinence is hard (pun intended). Hard, but not impossible for men or women. It is physically challenging. It’s emotionally challenging. It seems hormonally impossible. I get it. I was there for a long time! I promise you; it’s realistic but requires a real, agreed-upon commitment between you and the person you're dating. It will likely require practical boundaries to protect yourself from the slippery slope.
3. I’ve got to kick the tires before I buy the car. A relationship is not a business deal, unless you're living in Bridgerton times. You’re not buying a person. You’re seeing if this thing could go somewhere, considering a lifelong partnership. Nobody wants to get stuck with a dud in the sack for life (for life!), but intimacy is rooted in relationship, not acrobatics. Are you hot for him/her? That’s all you need to know. There will be times when sex is off the table (illness, surgery, loss, business trips). You've got to have a relationship that stands on its own when sex isn't a way to connect.
4. We’re ENGAGED! Congratulations! You found your person! This is legit commitment. Yet, you’re not married ‘til you’re married. There’s no other way around it. While it seems like there’s no point in holding out now, God’s still covering you. It seems unimaginable that things would end now. Trust me, friend, crazier things have happened. My uncle’s engagement fell through. So did my aunt’s, now that I think about it. So did a friend in college. All ended for very different unforeseen reasons. We all want to believe we’re the exception, not the rule, but humans are fallible. This commitment is not official until it’s official. Besides, you’ll be doing your future selves a favor.
5. I’ve already has sex/My partner has already had sex. I get that. Most of the people I dated had already had sex. Abstaining is still worth the great effort to protect your future and your relationship with that person. I explain how in these other posts:
Pants on Fire
God does not endorse any of these lies in the Bible. It can be tough to accept that.
I PROMISE, over time you will witness most of your friends prove the foolishness of believing every one of these lies. Be there to support them through these challenges instead of drowning in your own consequences alongside of them.
Have courage and stay the course, friend. You’re not alone. Trust God to see you through when your body and your mind tell you otherwise.
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