The Second Weirdest Thing

Abstinence is weird. We made it weirder. My boyfriend (now husband) and I made another strange choice.

You’ve Got To Be Serious

As full-grown adults, we gave ourselves a curfew.

Yeah, that happened. We were in our mid-20s, early in our careers, and each lived alone. We didn’t want to blur the line between dating and marriage by staying overnight at each other’s places. Oddly enough, the curfew prioritized the other important stuff in of our lives.

Cuz Adulting

Our romance kicked off when my summer break began. That whole summer was filled with adrenaline, googly eyes, and very late nights. I didn’t care about driving home at 2am because I could sleep in.  But my boyfriend kept mentioning how tired he’d been at work. I just laughed it off. It was worth it. We were in love!

Then school started. As a teacher, I too had to be at work by 7:30. I hate morning. I mean, really hate morning. The late weeknights were killing me too. I quickly sympathized with my boyfriend and we made a change.

Skip The Drama

We agreed that at 10pm on weeknights somebody was going home. No offense. No question. No drama. It was one of our very best decisions. We both cared about our work. The clear cutoff time protected both our values and our careers. Plus, we never felt awkward or hurt when the other person left.

Did I say something to make him leave?  Nope. 

Is she upset with me?  Nuh-uh.

Did I do something wrong? None of that.

It’s just 10 o’clock. Deuces!

What’s that got to do with sex?

One of the most challenging places to avoid sex is in the bed.  Hottie celebs Tori and Chad Masters get into overnighters in #12 of their Boundaries in Dating vlog. They also set a curfew boundary!

Sleepovers are intimate. I would know. I had a bunch with different boyfriends and guy friends before meeting my husband (although I always felt I was crossing a line back then too). Spending the night together is the perfect combination of time and space to blow right past any boundaries sexual boundaries you’d once set.

You’re in this together. Even if your partner only abstains because it matters to you, they can support boundaries in favor of your abstinence because you matter to them. Choose your strategy together since you are both accountable for upholding it.

Worth It?

Yes, the curfew boundary protected our commitment to each other and God.  It was also a practical move for our demanding careers and made us happier, more functional adults.

The most beautiful benefit to avoiding sleepovers was how much clearer the distinction became between our dating relationship and marriage. It’s not like we were superficially making marriage “feel” special because we put certain things off. It’s so much deeper than that. We avoided muddying our perception of these two types of relationships. They are completely different creatures. Blurring them together negatively impacts our understanding and judgment in each of these relationships. Marriage is complex and only benefits from every ounce of clarity brought to it.