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  • Writer's pictureBeverly H.

How to Keep It In Your Pants (And Stay Out of Hers)

Hoping to abstain from having sex? Have you tried to

avoid giving in so many times before that you’re not sure it’s humanly possible? You can. And, clinging to God, you will. Give yourself every advantage for success.


Follow the Anatomy Rule.

Trust me, it works (check it out in detail). Stay off the slippery slope by putting this, or some other, clear line in the hot sand.


Communicate

Let your partner know where your line is.

  • Be clear (and, if possible, confident) as you explain what’s important to you.

  • Be timely. If you wait until you’re in a romantic moment or put it off until later, then it will be too late.

Put boundaries in place

Where have you struggled before? Start there and avoid known temptations. Maybe keep your dates in public, keep bedrooms off-limits, avoid spooning. Or park only in well lit places; heck, drive separately. Pick a different dress if you know he will lose control over that one. Don’t lay naked with her thinking things will stop there. Anticipate limits you and your partner need to ensure your ultimate goals.

Pray & Grab Your Bible

So much. There is strength in prayer and power in the Holy Spirit. Nurture your relationship with God. Even pray about this with your partner.

  • Warning- Prayer doesn’t magically remove urges or temptation. In fact, you may come under spiritual attack now that you’re trying to make a change that honors God.

  • Warning- Intimate prayer can sometimes trigger romantic intimacy. If joint prayer is igniting sexual energy, then stop. Stick with praying privately and with an accountability partner. If praying together is weaving your relationship with God like the cord with three strands, keep it up (Ecclesiastes 4:12).

Get an Accountability Partner

Grab a friend or mentor and tell them what’s up. Let them know what kind of support you need (Prov 27:17). Should they pray before your dates? Text you weekly to check in? Ask how things are specifically going over coffee? There’s strength and encouragement with fellow Christians (Ecc. 4:9-12).


Avoid Porn and Sexually Charged Shows/Movies

Anything goes on Hulu, Netflix, and Prime because those services don’t have to follow FCC guidelines. But even cable has demonstrated a shift in moral ground. I’ll be watching Jack Ryan, Bridgerton, or other hit shows and BAM! Suddenly they’re naked and humping up a storm. Then I’m feeling a little guilty for watching (‘cause who can look away?) and I’m also suddenly raging hot for some action of my own. There are so many reasons why this is bad business, but today’s point is: change your environment to support your abstinent goal.


Find an Outlet

Maybe you need to hit the gym to channel that energy. Train for a half marathon (er, maybe guys need all 26.2). Volunteer at Habitat for Humanity. Pour it out through an instrument. Take up dance. Surely you can find something to divert your mind.


I Can’t Wait Any Longer!!

If not, consider Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians 7:9 and get married. If that’s not the right path for you and boo, take a break from your relationship. If that’s impossible, you’re going to have to set some strong boundaries and have major accountability. Major like maybe bring in the parents.


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