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  • Writer's pictureBeverly H.

7 Reasons Christians Should Be Having Premarital Sex?


I finally got some writing done today. Yay, self. Now...Ice cream shop!! OK, honesty time. I was going to get ice cream no matter what. I'm just pretending I earned the treat to avoid feeling guilty about enjoying it often. It’s cute how I twisted that to feel all good about myself, right?

Yes, I SHOULD Be Having Sex!

When it comes to sex, everyone can justify it. As Christians, we’re especially good at fake reasoning. There’s just one problem. If we take a minute to examine our rationale, it falls apart. These “reasons” that we lean on are really excuses to justify doing whatever we want. Sure, I'll point out biblical guideposts, but a lot of the justifications below are straight up red flags about relationships.

Let’s put some of these why-I-should-have-sex lies to bed.

Common Lies We Love to Believe

  1. Everyone else is having sex- even my Christian friends. Probably true. And they’re going to pay via all the natural consequences that come with it. They’ll act like it’s all cool now, but I guarantee in 10 years the truth will seep out. God's expectations are the same for them as they are for you. Don’t believe the lie that friends' choices justify yours.

  2. Abstinence is outdated. A great lie. Morality isn’t based on a timeline. For us, it’s rooted in God’s Word. His truths stand the test of time.

  3. I don’t want the relationship to fizzle out. Take some time to truly reflect on this. If having sex save your relationship, then you’ve got bigger problems. Sex is never the foundation nor the savior of a healthy relationship.

  4. He/she will break up with me if I don’t do it. This is a HUGE red flag that this isn’t the right person for you. Either the relationship just isn’t working, they don’t respect you, or they have unhealthy control issues. You deserve basic respect. Anyone who says they’ll break up because you won’t have sex isn’t worth staying with. Like I said in #3, sex is the worst last ditch effort at saving a relationship. You want to pile regret and shame on this impending breakup? No way.

  5. We’re serious/We’re in love! There is nothing like being in love. It’s like living in a constant high of magnetism and tingling euphoria. God’s word still applies, and it may even be for your protection right now. In the swirly, wonderful haze of love, it’s hard to keep a clear mind to see red flags or balance other priorities in the relationship so that you can wisely choose next steps (1 Thessalonians. 4:3-5).

  6. I already went this far with my ex. They turned out not to be worth it, and now you’re with someone who is. I’m so glad you are with someone great now! Your new +1 is so much better than your ex, and you naturally want to express that. I’m sorry, but changing your moral compass isn’t the way. Stay strong in your commitment to yourself and God. Find alternative ways to show it (like the other 4 love languages). You’re left with 2 great things. (1) You get to look forward to expressing yourself intimately with this person if the relationship goes the distance. (2) You’re putting a stop to any haunting grief about how far you unfortunately went if it doesn’t.

  7. I’m divorced, so this is silly. Widowers too, I’ve dedicated a whole post to this topic specifically. Keep a look out for Are Dating Widows & Divorcees Expected to Abstain From Sex?

The Fear is Real

This whole list exposes common fears about premarital sex. You're not alone in having these concerns. I know real people who shared them. When you let your focus shift from God to fear, your mindset and actions will follow.

Ultimately, your reasoning to have sex or not comes down to trusting God. Do you trust Him to know what’s best for you and your life? Do you believe that He loves you? Do you believe in the Bible and that it’s the playbook for life?

If you do, stick with God and tell him how you’re feeling. Spend time in the Bible and in prayer.

Hang in there. You CAN do this. He won’t let you down.

If you don’t trust God to have your back on this, then (don’t hate me) spend time in the Bible and in prayer. Your greatest issue may not be about compliance but about your relationship with God. I’ve had real issues with trust and brokenness that I blamed on God. After 7 years of deep pain and struggle, I’d say I’m 85% back to the healthy relationship I want with loving and trusting God. Discerning the Voice of God by Priscilla Shirer was a huge part of my growth. I went through it 3 years ago and am happy that I just started it again in my current Bible Study group. Your relationship with God will reap whatever you put into it. Keep pouring into Him with great honesty and an open heart for Him to restore you.

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