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  • Writer's pictureBeverly H.

How I Did It (or rather, How I Didn’t)

Updated: Mar 14, 2021

My intro post made it clear that I wrestled with desire and encountered opportunities to go the distance, so why didn’t I end up having premarital sex? Furthermore, how did I date without crossing the more stringent Anatomy Rule boundary?


The answer pretty much boils down to three things:

  1. I clearly communicated my boundary

  2. I only dated people who respected me

  3. I accept the bucket of ice water

Clearly Communicate

Timing is everything

Have the boundaries conversation before you’re in the heat of the moment. Once things get heated up, nobody is going to have the wherewithal to have the “how far is too far” talk, including you. Whatever your boundary, talk about it with the person you’re dating early on. I didn’t drop this bomb on first dates, but I did bring it up if we were on the path to becoming an item.


Give yourself the chance you deserve. If this person shares your values, they may appreciate your willingness to break the ice. My husband did. He wanted to wait until he and I were married for us to have sex, and my clearly communicated stance took a lot of weight off of his shoulders. It wasn’t all on him. And thank goodness for that! I don’t know that he would have had the self control to honor his own boundary if I hadn’t established mine too.


R-E-S-P-E-C-T All Around

While NO ONE that I dated ever believed in the Anatomy Rule, they respected me because of it. They didn’t argue, pressure, or take advantage of me. Some of that was luck, but much of it I toke up to the fact that I was different. They could see it. You know, that whole in-the-world-but-not-of-it thing. They could tell I was different and that they respected me as a person. They didn’t want to hurt me.


Do yourself one better, and date someone who is like-minded (God’s marriage design is for two Christians). When you share a love for God and make Him the center of your relationship, then to your partner it’s not all your “fault” you aren’t having sex. God is the root cause of the commitment. I haven't always had the judgment to date like-minded guys, but I'll save those stories for another day.


Splash!

Even if you agree on a boundary and truly want to respect each other, sometimes you’ve got to accept a bucket of cold water. It sucks. Trust me, I KNOW. Cutting off the adrenaline and excitement is literally anticlimactic! It goes against our very nature. That’s just it, though. It’s that very nature that leads us down the rabbit hole farther than we ever meant to be. A pre-established boundary lessens the difficulty and prevents feelings from being hurt. There’s no, “Did I do something wrong? What’s the problem?” drama. It’s unspoken.


You can do this. You deserve it, even if you’ve never had a boundary before. Give yourself the chance to clearly see the individual for who they are and the relationship for what it is. You’re worth it, no matter your past. God believes it too; that’s why it’s part of his blueprint for us.


"But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners" (Romans 5:8).


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