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  • Writer's pictureBeverly H.

Get Less to Get More

Making Gains by Postponing Sex

Maybe you’re still at odds with God over this whole waiting until marriage thing. That sounds cute and all, but you find it totally unrealistic. Here’s a list of benefits based on statistics and the stories of every friend I’ve ever had.

I’ve been on the sidelines for my friends’ dating choices for 20+ years. I’ve seen countless decisions play out. There’s been time and distance to look back with clarity over the short and long term impact of their sexual choices on the trajectories of their lives.

Obviously [eyeroll]

Let’s fly through the simple reasons so we can really get to the good stuff. Sex outside of marriage complicates life through unplanned pregnancy, STDs/STIs, heartbreak, regret, shame, an embarrassing “number,” etc. All that stuff is stressful on an Olympic level. So. Much. Drama.

Now for the good stuff. Practically speaking, abstinence positions you to live your best life. It helps you:

  • Lower your odds for divorce.

  • Prioritize other stuff that’s important too, including your relationship with God (In the Bible, Paul tells us sex is a huge distraction.)

  • Achieve personal goals (education, career, travel, fitness, bucket list, job promotion, etc).

  • Clearly evaluate partners

  • Avoid wasting time in a relationship without a future

  • Avoid emotional and physical toll from having an abortion or placing a child up for adoption. Both women and men can take on deep emotional wounds through these life-altering decisions.

  • Clearer boundaries between marriage and dating, making it easier to protect your marriage later.

I Do What I Want

Yup. God gets that. “‘I have the right to do anything,’ you say- but not everything is beneficial” (1 Corinthians 6:12). He lets you make your own choices, even wrong ones. He also sees how abstinence or premarital sex will impact your mental health and your future.

Part of my dating judgment came from the Anatomy Rule. It’s like wearing a pair of gummed-up, cloudy glasses vs. clean lenses. By eliminating sex and all that comes with it, I could see clearly. I believe I was a better judge of character because I wasn’t distracted by the hormonal slippery slope and one night stands. I also wasn’t afraid to stop dating someone who wasn’t a good match. In full disclosure, it does mean that I dumped a lot of guys about a month in, but I learned through those experiences and knew what I wanted when I was ready to settle down.

Believe it or not, being a prude wasn’t the only thing important to me in my potential spouse. I still needed a bright, warm, independent, Christian, potentially good father, with a sense of humor who complimented my personality. I was able to more quickly and clearly discern all of that in men because of my physical boundary.

No Regrets?

Did I miss out on so much hot sex? Sure. I dated some really hot guys.

Would I have had more fun if I’d been getting some? Maybe.

Would I do abstinence again? Absolutely. I have no doubt that my personal life and dating life were much better off, back then and still now, because I chose abstinence. If I ever find myself widowed and dating, I absolutely plan to commit to this boundary again. It honored God and took so much care of me.

I believe God wants you live your best possible life, and abstinence is part of his plan to make that a reality.

More Reasons from other Christians:


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