The Wait After Rape- Pt 1 of 3

People don't talk about rape. It’s awkward. It’s devastating. It doesn’t come up naturally, and listeners are speechless. And really, there are no words. But God does not shy away from this subject. He’s transparent about this human cruelty toward both men and women (Gen. 34, Jdg 19, 2 Sam 11 & 13). To those of you who have experienced it, we see you too.

Chloe, a close friend, chose to save sex for marriage, but she was repeatedly raped during a violent attack while serving the Peace Corp overseas. What does abstinence look like after an attack? Does it even still matter? This beautifully vulnerable interview shares her experience, the aftermath, and its impact on intimacy with her (now) husband.

Tell me about dating in high school and college.

I had a serious boyfriend in high school. We dated for a year and a half, two years or something. Then we went to college and went on our separate ways. I had guy friends in college, but I just felt like none of their morals were quite in line with mine. They were just very much enjoying the college experience. Admittedly, I kissed a fair number of boys in college, but there was nothing serious going on. So after my one serious boyfriend, having personal boundaries and things wasn’t really an issue. I wasn’t doing the serious stuff with anyone.

What was your Why during those years? Why choose to wait for sex?

Oddly enough, it was how I was raised and the expectation I felt that was put on me. We didn’t talk about sex with my parents or at church. It was very taboo, but there was an unspoken expectation. Then my mom would awkwardly slide me a printed news article about teen pregnancy saying, “You need to read this.” Thanks mom.

What happened in Samoa?

After college, I went to Samoa with the Peace Corps for two years. Unfortunately, a lot of the oceanic countries have a bad reputation for “nightcrawlers.” It’s very common. After training, each volunteer gets assigned a host family with a house and whatnot. I had stayed out in my village under a grant to make improvements to the pool of a [culturally significant] freshwater spring. The Peace Corps has a safety team that is supposed to check your housing and make sure it’s safe before you move in.

I actually had an incident there one night while my host family was gone. Someone broke into the house, but my bedroom where I stayed at night had a deadbolt on the door and chicken wire on the windows. I woke up because I could hear the doorknob. I was screaming for my neighbors to come. The guy ran out the back door. We found my kitchen knife in the pool behind the house, and he had turned off the electricity to the house.

After that long-term project was done, I had two months left of my commitment so I moved to the capital to volunteer on other projects. I found housing, had a roommate, the whole bit.

Within a couple of days, I was very, very sick. I wasn't sure if I had dengue fever: high fevers, chills, etc. I didn't want to do anything. My roommate went out with some friends and stayed the night at her boyfriend’s place. So I was, laying on the couch, watching movies, trying not to feel like death. Finally, I went to bed.

I woke up because there was a man in my room.

Continue to The Wait After Rape- Pt 2 of 3